


no sleep in heaven

by lostin_space



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Child Abuse, Child Death, Immortality, Temporary Character Death, domestic abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:49:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21995524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: Lily Manes never considered herself weak. She grew up a strong and independent woman. She went through men and chose wisely, never wanting to end up with a bad seed. And she thought she’d chosen well when she married Jesse Manes. He was strong, smart, loyal. He never cheated, he never controlled her, he was good with their children. Or, at least, for a little while.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 26





	no sleep in heaven

**Author's Note:**

> i got this idea randomly. semi-randomly. I was listening to Your Daddy's Son on repeat yesterday evening and that mixed with my breakdown at work today inspired this idk. I might elaborate more one day

Lily Manes never considered herself weak. She grew up a strong and independent woman. She went through men and chose wisely, never wanting to end up with a bad seed. And she thought she’d chosen well when she married Jesse Manes. He was strong, smart, loyal. He never cheated, he never controlled her, he was good with their children. Or, at least, for a little while.

But now, as she stared at the still, cold body of her five-year-old son, she realized she could not have been more wrong.

“Flint, baby, go get Mommy the phone,” she said, trying to fight the tears so she wouldn’t scare him. He and Alex shared a room and she’d told him to go get his little brother for dinner. Only, Alex wouldn’t wake up.

He laid curled up in the fetal position, not breathing and covered in bruises in all the right places. Never on his face, never where clothes couldn’t hide them. All under his little flannel PJs that were too small for his age because he was too small for his age. He was too small for this.

“C'mon, baby, Mama’s got you,” Lily whispered, tears slipping over her cheeks as she carefully lifted him into her arms. She didn’t want to make it worse by moving him, but she’d heard that holding sick babies could make them improve. He was still a baby. “Wake up for me.”

She considered CPR, but the idea of pressing on his chest made her nervous. It was bruised enough.

“Why do you need a phone?”

Lily’s heart dropped as she looked up to see her husband in the doorway of her son’s bedroom. He wasn’t that tall in reality, but he seemed to take up every inch of the doorway. Flint hid behind him, fear on his features.

“There’s something wrong, Alex isn’t breathing, he needs an ambulance, I need to call an ambulance,” she told him, crying harder now. She looked down at her baby. His lips were blue.

Something crossed Jesse’s features and for a moment she thought it might be guilt. He walked over sitting beside her and peering down to their baby. She brushed his dark hair off his forehead and pressed her hand to his cold cheek.

“They’re going to blame it on us,” Jesse said softly. Lily shook her head, turning to him with pleading eyes.

“No, they won’t, I won’t let them. Please, let’s just call. They won’t blame us. Alex needs us. His needs his daddy, please let’s just… Let’s just help him,” she begged, trying to find the right words if there were any.

Jesse looked confused almost, shaky hands reaching out and touching Alex’s little face. It was all too reminiscent of the day he was born. The confusion and wonder of how they’d created something so precious, both of them too scared to touch him to roughly in case he’d break. Now the wonder was terror and he was already broken.

“Let me see,” Jesse told her, scooping him out of her arms. He was so careful as he laid Alex on the ground, kneeling over him and beginning to administer CPR. He wasn’t responding.

“Mama?” Flint called and she was horribly reminded that he was right there in the doorway.

“Go downstairs with Greg and Hunter, baby, it’s okay,” she said, wiping tears off her face and trying to smile. She couldn’t even feel her heart beating anymore, it was too fast to even feel a thud. Flint was staring at Alex. “He’s okay, baby, really. Daddy’s helping him.”

Flint nodded slowly and left. As soon as he did, Lily moved to the floor beside him.

“He’s gone, Lil, he’s got no pulse and he’s already starting rigor,” Jesse said, looking at her, “God, what did I do?”

“He’s not gone,” she insisted. She’d just bought more bananas to cut up for his oatmeal in the morning. He couldn’t be dead. “Try again.”

“Lily,” Jesse said firmly.

“No.” She started crying harder to the point she couldn’t see. Her hands were shaking as she checked for a pulse and for signs that he was breathing again. When she went to put her head on his chest, Jesse pulled her up. “Let go of me! He just needs us! He’s not gone!”

“He’s dead, he has been,” Jesse said. She shook her head.

“No!”

“Yes!”

“ _No_ ,” she cried, falling into Jesse’s chest. He wrapped her up in his arms, hugging her tightly and trying to console her. Part of her wanted to kill him. The other part, the part that felt just as guilty, hugged him back. “He’s my baby.”

“I know, I know,” Jesse hushed.

They sat there for a little bit longer, staring at little Alex, the smallest Manes, who would forever be that small. Forever, ever, ever.

When his body had hardened complete, it became a little more real. This was it. What now?

“Okay,” Jesse said, wiping away her tears and then his own, “This is what we’re gonna do. Go tell the boys to go into Hunter’s room, you can go in there with them. Stay in there for a while. I’ll get you when I’m done ”

“Done?” she echoed, furrowing her eyebrows, “Done with what?”

“You just started the garden yesterday, didn’t you? It still looks fresh. I’ll dig it up, put him there, and no one will know the difference,” Jesse said. Her eyes went wide.

“Are you insane? We have to call the police!”

“This is our fault, Lily,” he said, “If we call, then we get thrown in jail. We have three other sons to worry about. Do you want them all separated and with shitty people that don’t love them? Because I don’t. They need us. This is our only option.”

Lily stared at him and wanted to kill him. She wanted to scream and beat him until he bled. But she couldn’t help but think he was right. Those boys downstairs needed them. And, maybe, this would make Jesse learn his lesson.

“Okay.”

Lily Manes did as she was told. She always did.

Jesse came back inside and he changed. They are dinner. The boys went to bed. Jesse went to bed. Lily stayed on the couch. She couldn’t sleep. She curled up in Alex’s blanket and held his pajamas to her nose, breathing him in and trying to pretend this night was fake. In the morning, she would wake up and he would be there. He would give her a hug and ask to be held and use his big eyes against her. He’d cuddle up to her while she made him breakfast and he would say thank you. Her sweet little baby would still be okay in the morning.

She thought that for so long that, when she heard banging on the door at 3 in the morning, she’d thought she’d lost it.

“Mama,” a voice called on the other side of the door. It wasn’t knocking with knuckles like an adult, but rather a tiny palm like a child. The voice was Alex’s.

“Go away,” she whispered, putting her hands over her ears. She wanted to block it out. This was a cruel trick her mind was playing on her.

“Mama!” the voice that sounded like Alex continued louder, slamming on the door harder.

Slowly, slowly, she made her way to the door. She was crying all over again, still clutching his blanket. She peered through the peephole and almost fell backward at the sight of the top of a little boy’s head. It banged louder, slowly beginning to cry as it called for her. It. He. _Alex_.

“No, no, no, no,” she whispered, racing across the house to the back door. She threw it open and, sure enough, the back garden was completely destroyed as if someone had crawled their way out from beneath it. “Oh my god.”

Lily couldn’t figure out what was happening. Alex was dead. She saw him. He was _gone_. So why was the garden dug up? Why was there a little boy wearing Alex’s voice and his hair begging for her at the door? What was happening?

Lily went back to the front door and slowly unlocked it. She was crying and her hands were shaking and she was so confused. Did her husband bury her baby alive?

When the door opened, Alex, the littlest Manes, stood on the doorstep. His lips were in a pout, his eyes were big and watery, and he was covered in dirt. He reached up to her, making grabby hands.

“Mama, I scared,” he said, in his own voice. Lily dropped to her knees and she hugged him so tight and she felt his breath on her neck as he hugged her back.

She didn’t know what was going on but she took him inside and rocked him to sleep like she always did.

Who was she to look a gift horse in the mouth?

**Author's Note:**

> also on my tumblr: spaceskam


End file.
